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FRIENDS AND FRIENDSHIP
Everyone needs a friend. Some people want to have a lot of friends, others need one, or two close ones. Sometimes you choose friends, sometimes other people choose you as their friend. Some of us make friends easily, but there are people who are shy, and it is very difficult for them to make friends. Having friends of your own age is important. These friends tend to look at things the same way you do because they have the same fears, interests, options, problems and worries that you do. Your friends can listen and understand how you feel whether you are dealing with a problem at school or at home. Your friends are there when you are feeling down, when you are eager of sharing a happy experience.
Let’s talk more about friendship. Our talks and discussions will sure help you to identify the special qualities that you posses as a person, clarify your values, and decide what characteristics to look for in friends. Maybe it will help you in making friends and resolving difficulties when they threaten your friendship.
WHAT IS A FRIEND?
Have you ever asked yourself this question? Well, if not, it’s ok. Let’s try it now. As a matter of fact, it is not an easy question to answer. The word friend is hard to define. Maybe because this word means different things for different people. Do you agree? Let’s try to describe a friend by saying what he or she does or does not do. Below are some brief descriptions of a friend.
A friend is someone who accepts you.
A friend is someone who needs you.
A friend is someone who can count on you even in bad times.
A friend is someone you can feel close to and can share your feelings with.
A friend is someone you enjoy being with.
Could you write your own answers to the question “What is a friend?”?
Ex.1. Answer the following questions.
1. Why do you think it is important to have friends?
(More fun to do things together, can help each other, etc.)
2. How could you show someone else that you would like to become friends?
(Act friendly, shows interest in them, share things, be helpful, etc.)
3. One good way to start is by being interested in someone else. What are some ideas for showing that you are interested?
(Ask questions, hang around them, look interested, etc)
4. Why would that be better that just coming up to someone and start talking about yourself?
(The other person might not be interested in hearing about you or what you are doing; the point is to find out about them, etc)
5. What is the difference between being interested in someone and being nosey?
(The other person will let you know when you’ve gone too far; being nosey means you don’t really care about the other person, etc.)
Ex.2. So, you can agree that the best way to make friends is to show sincere interest in other people. People like to be noticed. Someone could find out things about another person by asking questions, noticing what they are doing or wearing, paying attention to skills or talents of other, and making eye contact. What would you prefer? Read the brief description of three characters and write or tell at least 2 ways to show that person that you are interested in getting to know him or her.
1. Alex plays football in the school team. He is from Moldova. His family moved here this year.
2. Mary has a horse and loves to ride. She likes to wear different-looking clothes, and she is always stylish.
3. Max always has good ideas for making up games. He makes everyone laugh and is nice to everyone.
For example: I will offer Alex to play football together after our classes.
I will certainly ask him about his family.
WHAT ARE YOU?
Friendship really starts with you. You should know yourself better and feel good about yourself before you can be a friend to others. How well do you know yourself?
Ex.1. Read the list of adjectives below. Choose adjectives that could be used to describe you most of the time. Making these choices will help you to understand yourself.
academic - îáðàçîâàííûé, íî äàë¸êèé îò ðåàëèé æèçíè
outgoing - óæèâ÷èâûé, îáùèòåëüíûé, ñ ë¸ãêèì õàðàêòåðîì
insensitive - ðàâíîäóøíûé
active - àêòèâíûé, ýíåðãè÷íûé
athletic – ñïîðòèâíûé
passive - ïàññèâíûé
bored – ñêó÷íûé
patient - òåðïåëèâûé
critical – êðèòè÷íûé
pessimistic - ïåññèìèñòè÷íî íàñòðîåííûé
flexible - ãèáêèé, ëåãêî ïðèñïîñàáëèâàþùèéñÿ ê ïåðåìåíàì
punctual – òî÷íûé
sad - ãðóñòíûé
funny - ïîòåøíûé, çàáàâíûé, ñ ÷óâñòâîì þìîðà
scared – íàïóãàííûé
sensitive - ÷óâñòâèòåëüíûé
happy - ðàäîñòíûé, ñ÷àñòëèâûé, äîâîëüíûé
shy – çàñòåí÷èâûé
stubborn - óïðÿìûé
healthy – çäîðîâûé
sympathetic - ñî÷óâñòâóþùèé, ñîñòðàäàòåëüíûé
honest - ÷åñòíûé
idealistic - âåðÿùèé è ñòðåìÿùèéñÿ ê èäåàëàì
talkative - áîëòëèâûé, ðàçãîâîð÷èâûé
impatient - íåòåðïåëèâûé
tardy - ìåäëèòåëüíûé
kind – äîáðûé
temperamental - íåóðàâíîâåøåííûé, ñ íîðîâîì
lazy – ëåíèâûé
tense - íàïðÿæ¸ííûé, ñ íàòÿíóòûìè íåðâàìè
lonely - îäèíîêèé
loyal - âåðíûé, ïðåäàííûé
thoughtful - ÷óòêèé, âíèìàòåëüíûé
messy - íåðÿøëèâûé
moody - ÷åëîâåê íàñòðîåíèÿ
tolerant - òåðïèìûé
neat – àêêóðàòíûé
weepy - ñëåçëèâûé
optimistic - íàñòðîåííûé îïòèìèñòè÷íî
worried – ïåðåæèâàþùèé
Ex. 2. How do you rate as a friend?
To discover what kind of friend you are to the others, mark the answers that best describe you.
Never
Sometimes
Always
1. I keep the promises I make to my friends.
2. I let my friends know how much they mean to me.
3. I am a good listener.
4. I talk over misunderstanding.
5. I apologize when I am wrong.
6. I stick by my friends when they are going through rough periods.
7. I make new students at school feel welcome.
8. I return the things I borrow in good condition.
9. I talk behind my friends’ back.
10. I embarrass my friends in front of others.
11. I brag about myself to my friends.
12. I criticize my friends in front of others.
13. I pick on other kids.
14. I do everything in my way.
15. I am always bossy.
To stick by – íàõîäèòüñÿ ðÿäîì; to embarrass – ïðèâîäèòü â çàìåøàòåëüñòâî, ñòàâèòü â íåëîâêîå ïîëîæåíèå; to brag – õâàñòàòü; to pick on (smb.) – ïðèñòàâàòü, äðàçíèòü; to be bossy – êîìàíäîâàòü.
NOBODY’S PERFECT!
Ex.3. On a separate sheet of paper, write a two-paragraph description of yourself. In the first paragraph, describe your strengths and some of other qualities you are proud of and glad to possess. In the second paragraph, describe your faults and some characteristics that may make you hard to have as a friend.
Ask a friend to write a brief description of you in which he (she) mentions both strengths and weaknesses. Compare your friend’s description of you with your own.
Are they similar?
Does your friend see you as you see yourself?
In what way are they different?
ALL KINDS OF FRIENDS
Friends come in all ages and sizes. They can be human or animals. They can live close by or far away.
Ex.1. Name and describe a friend who:
-is your age
-is a member of your family
-is older than you are
-is not a member of your family
-is younger than you are
-lives close by
-lives far away
-is a teacher
-is an animal or pet
-does not fall into any of these categories, but is important to you
Ex.2. Complete each sentence that tell us what your feeling about friends is.
1. Friends are important to me because…
2. I need a friend when…
3.
Friends think that I am…
4. Friends like me because…
5. I feel happy when a friend…
6. I feel unhappy when a friend…
7. My friends make me angry when…
8. When a friend teases me, I usually…
9. I like being with people who…
10. I would rather not waste time with people who…
11. I enjoy talking with my friends about…
12. Some things I enjoy doing with my friends are…
13. A special quality that I admire in friends is…
14. Something I could do to become a better friend is…
15. Someone I would like to know better is…
Examine yourself. What kind of person would you like to have as a friend?
Do you know someone who needs your friendship?
What kind of friends are you? You want people to like you the way you are. Don’t pretend to be something you aren’t. Instead, be natural, honest, and sincere.
Consider the other person’s interests when you are making plans and the other person’s feelings when you are talking or listening.
Express your opinions carefully. Don’t confront, criticize, or make unflattering comparisons.
Try something new. Don’t let fear or failure keep you from signing up for a new activity or accepting a new responsibility. Join a band, club, or team. In groups of this kind, each person is an important part of the whole. Group members depend on one another. By and by, this mutual trust produces lasting friendship.
Often it is easier to get to know someone on a one-to-one basis than it is in a group. Pick a person you would like to know better. Invite this person to spend time with you doing something you would both enjoy, such as watching a movie, playing a game, or just taking a walk. Find time to talk. When you do so, ask about likes and dislikes, interests and experiences. The way to build a friendship is to share feelings, ideas, and experiences.
Ex. 4. What would you advise?
Respond to the problems described below.
1. When my friend Steve and I get together, it seems that we are always end up doing what he wants to do never do what I want to do. How can I get Steve to do what I want?
2. I have a good friend named Helen. We have fun together, but she acts hurt, when I ask someone else to sit with us when we are having our lunch during the break. Although I like Helen very much, I don’t enjoy being alone with her all the time. What should I do?
3. My friend Ann is good at math. She brags about her math grades all the time. Math is my worst subject. When I ask Linda for help with my assignment, she belittles me and makes me feel dumb. How can I get her realize that no one is smart in everything?
4. Alex and I get along well when it’s just the two of us; but as soon as someone else joins us, it never works out. Alex and the other guy always take sides against me, and that hurts. What should I do when this happens?
5. My friend does not always tell the truth. AS a result, I don’t know when to believe him and when not to. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but this bad habit of his is ruining our friendship. What can I do?
6. Maria is my best friend. The other day I told her some very personal things. I asked her not to tell anyone else, and she promised that she wouldn’t. I just found out that she had shared everything I told her with some other girls. I am so mad at her! How shall I handle this?
to get together - ñîáèðàòüñÿ âìåñòå
to get along - ëàäèòü
to have fun - õîðîøî ïðîâîäèòü âðåìÿ
to work out - (çä.) ïîëó÷àòüñÿ
to act hurt - îáèæàòüñÿ
to belittle - óíèæàòü
to be good at smth. - ïðåóñïåâàòü â ÷¸ì-òî
a dumb - èäèîò, ãëóïûé
to brag - õâàñòàòü
smart - óìíûé
assignment - çàäàíèå
to take sides agans smb. – îáúåäèíÿòüñÿ ïðîòèâ êîãî-ëèáî
to be mad at smb. - çëèòüñÿ íà ê-ë
Ex. 5. Friendships have their ups and downs. Even best friends sometimes have misunderstandings and disagree. When things do not go smoothly between you and a close friend, it does not mean that your friendship is over. It simply means that you both need to talk things over and to express your feelings.
Please write some sentences about a time when you and your close friend had a serious disagreement. Tell what you disagreed about and how you resolved your disagreement.
Ex. 6. How well do you know your friend?
My best friend’s
name is ________________________________________________
nickname is _____________________________________________
age is __________________________________________________
birthday is ______________________________________________
birthplace is _____________________________________________
My best friend’s favorite
food is _____________________________________________________
hobby or interest is ___________________________________________
sport or game is ______________________________________________
type of book is _______________________________________________
kind of music is ______________________________________________
movie is ____________________________________________________
subject at school is ____________________________________________
television program is __________________________________________
My best friend
likes to _____________________________________________________
is afraid of __________________________________________________
gets mad when _______________________________________________
worries about ________________________________________________
is happy when ________________________________________________
Discuss your answers with your best friend to see how accurate they are.
Wish List
Think about some of your friends and friendships. What changes would you want to make in them? What changes would you like to make in yourself? Check all of the responses that apply.
§ I wish that I had more friends.
§ I wish I that I had different friends.
§ I wish I that I could get along better with my friends.
§ I wish I that I could get to know my friends better.
§ I wish I that I could win back a friend I have lost.
§ I wish I that I did not disagree with my friends so often.
§ I wish I that my friends would treat me better.
§ I wish I that my friends would like me for myself instead of for the things I have and do.
§ I wish I that I did not have to brag about myself and my accomplishments to make people like me.
§ I wish I that my friends were more sensitive to my feelings.
§ I wish I that my friends would take a greater interest in me.
§ I wish I that I could be a leader among my friends.
§ I wish I that I did not have to be the one who always makes the decisions when I am with my friends.
In looking over my wish list, I see that I __________________________________________________________________________________
One thing concerning friends, which I am going to try to change, is ___________________________________________________________________________________
