Separation and Divorce
The Decision. Decision-making.
Where can help be found?
Decision about Custody and Access.
Can Marriage Be Saved?
today's world, marriage is subjected to the same stresses as other cultural
institutions. Technological change seems to be affecting everything. People
want what is new, what is novel, what is exciting. Trade in the old; buy the
latest model. Get a new car, get a new television, get the newest computer. A
popular song is a hit today, forgotten tomorrow. Change has become a way of
life. Without a backward glance, we change jobs, change careers, change where
we live. Not surprisingly, we change our marriage partners, too. In the United
States, the marriage rate is 10.6 per 1,000 people. The divorce rate is 5.3
per 1,000, one divorce in every two marriages. Of course, this figure does not
include unhappy couples. Where society offered stability, instability has
become a way of life. And we are hooked.
people are fighting back. When their marriage is in trouble, they try to find
out what's wrong. One way is to get professional help from a marriage
counselor, a person with special training in psychology and family relations.
the text and put questions to it.
Answer the following questions:
What are the symptoms of splitting up?
Is splitting up more common among the
lower income groups?
What are the reasons of divorce in Russia?
In the USA?
Do divorced women receive maintenance from
their former husbands?
Do human values change with age and how?
What is terrible about being divorced?
At what confusion do you arrive reading
Do you think that conflicts in a family
can lead to separation?
What happens to people whose main object
of life is pleasure?
What is the best way to keep a family?
What problems face children with divorced
at these results from a recent newspaper survey of children's attitudes to
divorce. Do a survey of attitudes in your class. Compare your results with the
results of the newspaper survey.
Divorce - the side-effects
Children with parents together
Children with parents divorced/separated
Marriage should be forever
Children's parents should stay together even if they are
It is better for children to live with both parents
rather than one
It should be made more difficult to get divorced
Comment on the following quotation:
Endings can be abrupt or lengthy. Parting can bring relief and release as well
as pain and insecurity.
marriage is in trouble, what is the best way to save it? Should the couple
attempt to solve their own problems? Should they go for help to a relative
(the wife's mother for instance)? Should they consult a religious authority
perhaps a minister, priest or rabbi? Or should they go to an outsider, such as
marriage counsellor? Which "expert" would give the most reliable advice? Tell
why you think so?
the letter to the problem page of a magazine. Write an answer, giving advice.
28 and have been married for seven years. I have two lovely children aged six
and four. My problem is that I have fallen out of love with my husband. He
does nothing to help in the house, watches TV all the time and drinks too
much. He also had an affair with his secretary a few years ago. I nearly left
him but I stayed because of the children. I don't want to spend the rest of my
days with somebody I don't love but I know my children need both their
parents. Please (ell me what to do.
your answer like this:
are two obvious things you can do: stay with your husband, or leave him. If
you stay with him... "
in pairs. Agree or disagree with the following:
love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.
happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own
for the field, woman for the hearth;
the sword and for the needle she;
the head and woman with the heart;
command and woman to obey;
work. Act out the dialogues giving advice:
The wife has a full-time job and is angry
because the husband doesn’t help around the house.
The husband complains about his wife’s
mother interfering in.
The wife complains that the husband
doesn’t pay enough attention to the children.
a problem of this kind be solved in Russia? Explain the advantages or
disadvantages of your system. Please read these paragraphs attentively and
give the most appropriate answers to the questions.
I. THE CHALLENGE
two people decide to live together, there is usually much anticipation and
excitement. There run many idealistic visions of perpetual happiness and
mutual contentment. The couple want to please each other so as to ensure a
chance to "live happily ever after".
2. Why do
we have these expectations? A popular theory is that it is because we invest
so much in the notion of romantic love. Everyone has their own personal
picture of this mysterious force called "love". If we have never experienced
it, we feel denied and deprived. When we lose it, we grieve because we fee!
Empty and bereft.
I. Answer the questions:
1. Who, do you think, are more
sociably active in divorce, men or women?
2. What are the advantages and
disadvantages of being married (divorced)?
3. Should women have some
4. Do you believe in romantic
5. What are women’s problems
II. Read the text without
dictionary and discuss the problem: what measures would you take to improve
the described position.
Splitting up - the painful facts
were 162,000 divorces in Britain in 1983, and about a fifth of those involved
at lent one partner who had been divorced before.
splitting up is more common among the lower income groups. The survey shows
that the rate of divorces per thousand husbands in unskilled manual jobs was
more than four times that for professional husbands.
two-fifths of all currently divorced women aged 18 to 49 were receiving
maintenance from their former husbands for their children or themselves.
in the UK - a total of 387,000 - were three per cent down on the previous
year. Just over a third of these were remarriages for one or both partners.
Complete the following sentences, using information from the article above.
more work in the house than men do.
______ free time ______ men.
______ do any washing or ironing.
one man in twenty ______.
wash the dishes in the evening.
repairs in the household ______ by men.
Britons ______ more money ______ ten years ago.
Britons ______ cigarettes, and are eating ______.
______ place to go on holiday.
were ______ as many divorces among ______ as among professional classes.
than two in five divorced women ______.
marriages in 1983
IV. Translate the text from
Russian into English.
что каждой девушке хочется замуж, а каждый мужчина стремится к свободе.
Объясните мне тогда, почему предложения о браке делают в основном мужчины, а
развода требуют женщины.
разводов (то есть 3 из 4) — по крайней мере, в России — происходит по
инициативе женщин. Социологов волнует то, что каждая вторая женщина готова
оставить мужа потому только, что не любит его. К осознанию «нелюбви» (и
соответственно к разводу) женщина приходит разными путями. В зависимости от
причины брака, А браки, как известно, заключаются: а) по расчету; б) по
«залету»; в) по любви, г) для статуса.
Именно браки для
статуса стали распадаться в первую очередь, поскольку в них не было никакой
основы: ни общего дела, ни идейного дела, ни даже секса нормального. Девушка
выходила замуж за первого, кто позвал, лишь бы не оставаться «в девах».
Браки по «залету»
представляют собой те самые 25% разводов, которые затеяны не женщиной.
Наоборот, именно слабому полу свойственна привычка «сохранять детям отца».
В браках по любви,
если любовь пройдет через год, молодые циники разведутся по принципу «я никому
ничего не должен».
A MOTHER'S WORK IS NEVER DONE!
at the picture and talk about your mother's day. These words will help you.
to do the
rooms to mend clothes
clothes to clean the floor with a vacuum cleaner
the following questions.
Do you help your mother about the house?
What do you do about the house?
Can you sew a button on?
Can you boil an egg?
Do you make your bed yourself?
You keep your room clean and tidy, don't
Are you fond of "clever machines"?
lazy in the home, according to an official survey published today.
about six hours' a week more free time than wives, but play very little part
in cooking, cleaning, washing, and ironing, according to the Social Trends
Survey by the Central Statistical Office.
three quarters of married women claimed to do all or most of the housework,
and among married men the proportion who admitted that their wives did all or
most of the housework was only slightly lower.
survey showed that washing and ironing was the least popular task among men,
with only one per cent performing this duty, compared with 89 per cent of
women, and 10 per cent sharing equally.
per cent of men prepare the evening meal, 3 per cent carry out household
cleaning duties, 5 per cent household shopping, and 17 per cent wash the
household gadgets break down, repairs are carried out by 82 per cent of
survey says that, despite our economic problems, the majority of Britons are
substantially better off than a decade ago. We're healthier, too - eating
healthier foods and smoking less.
average Briton, not surprisingly, is more widely travelled than a decade ago.
More people are going abroad for holidays, with Spain the favourite
is the way the statisticians see us...
I. Read both texts and compare
II. Agree or disagree:
Husband and wife who both work should
share domestic chores.
Home life feels the stress of social life.
Society would not exist without marriage.
Divorce is normally wrong and marriage
should be preserved at all costs.
Marriage restricts freedom.
A lot of married people get divorced.
The problems of having mother-in-law in
Britain, people can get married at 16 if their parents agree. They can marry
at 18 without their parents' agreement. What age can people marry in your
country? Is it right or wrong to get married young? In your opinion, what is
the ideal age to get married?
their wedding, actress Brooke Shields and tennis star Andre Agassi made a
contract. They agreed how they will share their £50 million, how much time
they will spend in their four houses and how many tennis tournaments Brooke
will attend (ten a year). Do you think it is a good idea to discuss practical
details with your future wife/husband before you get married? Why/why not?
Make a list of points that you would include in a marriage contract.
II. Read the text using a
dictionary if necessary. Write down your own steps to avoid separation and
ways to bomb-proof your relationship
DON'T PUT YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND. Even true love can sour and fade if you let
misunderstandings and unspoken anger take the place of communication. Accept
the fact that the most fairy-tale relationships end, then take steps to make
sure yours won't be one of them.
BEWARE OF DANGER POINTS. There are danger points in every relationship when
either of you may be tempted to look for affection elsewhere. One is when the
early days are over and that special spark has faded. Another is when baby
makes three; a third when mid-life approaches and you want to feel young and
desirable again. When you know your marriage is at risk, take extra care.
3 MAKE A
DATE. If you never seem to have the time to be together, make a date. It might
seem silly if you're living together, but perhaps the only way you're going to
have the chance to treat each other to some tender lovingcare is to clear away
all barriers to being alone.
HONEST AND CLEAR. Neither of you is a mind reader, so if Valentine's Day or
your anniversary really matters to you, say so. If you're feeling sad, angry
or hurt, say so — and
why. You also need to say when you're feeling happy, loving or sexy, and
invite your partner to share that with you, too.
TALK ABOUT DISAGREEMENTS. Sit down and talk over the things you argue about
most — money, chores,
children. Once you identify your points of conflict, you can find ways of
sorting them out before they cause irreparable damage.
INTIMATE. Research shows that couples who talk freely about sex are half as
likely to have an affair as those who don't.
FACE UP TO YOUR DEMONS. There's no point leaving one partner for another, to
find yourself repeating the same old script. Explore what goes wrong in your
relationships and why, and be prepared to take responsibility and make
SHARE WORK AS WELL AS PLAY. If both of you go out to work and only one does
the lion's share of the jobs at home, resentment may drive a wedge between
you. Agree a fair division of labour.
ASK FOR HELP. If you're having difficulties you can't resolve, get help from a
professional counsellor. Don't leave it for years and go as the very last
resort. If you ignore problems for too long it may be too late for anyone to
REAL LOVERS. Being each other's best friend is probably more important than a
red-hot sex life. But your sex life is often a barometer to the rest of your
relationship. Couples who make the effort to be loving and passionate in bed
usually find this spills over into the rest of their lives.
III. Put the characteristics
of a wife/husband and a mother-in-law in order of priority
1. Wife or husband: tolerant,
considerate, beautiful, affectionate to husband/wife, affectionate to
children, hard-working, tidy, home-loving, good looking, rich, thrifty, quiet,
2. Mother-in-law: willing to
baby-sit, attractive, generous, well-dressed, rich, good at organizing home,
has many interests, doesn’t interfere, lives nearby.
II. OUTSIDE INFLUENCES
a relationship is unique, both partners have to interact with the outside
world. Work, holidays, friends, family, in-laws, past relationships, children,
money, ill-health are some of the outside influences which can either enhance
or hinder a close relationship.
a partnership a couple need to feel equal and valued by each other. If the
messages from outside deny this, then it is difficult, but not impossible to
restore the balance.
sharing of the workload within the home is another very significant area which
needs to be negotiated openly.
as it is normal to have wants, needs and expectations, it is also natural to
have doubts. Different standards of personal hygiene, citizenship, family
loyalty, education and cultural or religious background, all of which shape us
into what we are, create our doubts. Both partners are entitled to their own
code of conducts and moral obligations, but they need to make sure that their
partner understands why they have those beliefs and principles in order to
tolerate them. Doubts are signals which tell us that there is some unfinished
business around which needs to be clarified and checked out.
Conflict is part of every human experience. Most of us fear it and yet we meet
it at home, at work and in our community. When conflict is delayed or
suppressed, it grows and expands until eventually there is an explosion when
both partners can no longer control their strong emotions. They use words as
weapons in an attempt to display the strength of their feelings.
Conflict within relationships can be divided into two parts. The first part
involves the facts. These may focus around what the partner has done or
committed to do.
second part of conflict concerns the emotions. Some of the very strong and
common feelings aroused are as follows: anger, suspicion, resentment,
frustration, malice, jealousy.
relationships deepen and become more rewarding once both partners have learned
how to work through to the other side of conflict.
the definitions of the following words:
the text. Translate it using a dictionary.
up dialogues using your own opinion.
down your recommendations on these problems.
V THE DECISION. DECISION-MAKING
commonly assumed that the decision made by a couple to separate or divorce is
one single decision. But some couples find that they disagree, in that one
wants to part and the other wants to carry on. Sometimes the role of
decision-maker is seized by the most powerful partner and this is seen as a
very aggressive act by the other partner.
VI. WHERE CAN HELP BE FOUND?
easy to offer help, but asking for it can seem a very daunting prospect. The
help required can be divided into two main areas. The first is help with
practical matters. The second kind of help required is assistance in order to
cope with and resolve feelings. It is natural to feel confused by all the
emotion and inner turmoil, and some help is available. Close relatives,
friends and colleagues can be a tremendous help, although they can also be too
involved emotionally. This prevents them from being objective and their strong
feelings sometimes become an added burden.
necessary sometimes to find someone who is not emotionally involved and who is
prepared to listen whilst we think aloud. Agencies offering relationship and
marital counselling often spend profitable time with separating people. A
marriage counsellor is trained to do this and offers a non-judgemental,
accepting and confidential approach. The sessions focus largely on the
identification of feeling and then on the understanding of them. The principal
need of anyone facing separation or divorce is strength to get on with it.
Splitting needs to be seen as a challenge and not as a threat.
the text using dictionary if necessary.
English equivalents of the following:
пара, развод, одно-единственное решение, наиболее сильный партнер, предложить,
практические дела, суматоха, огромная помощь, хранить от, ноша, вызов.
up sentences with this new vocabulary.
the synonyms of the following:
the odd word out:
separate – split up – divorce – division;
violence – rudeness – harm – hard
Complete the sentences from the text:
It is commonly assumed that…
Sometimes the role of decision-maker is
The first is help…
It is natural to feel confused by all the
It is necessary sometimes to find someone
who is not emotionally involved and…
A marriage counselor is trained…
The principal need of anyone facing
separation or divorce is…
Answer the questions:
Is it commonly assumed that the decision
to separate is one single decision?
Do all couples agree to part?
Whom is the role of decision-maker seized
How can the help be divided?
Who can be a tremendous help?
What do agencies usually do?
Do you agree that splitting needs to be
seen as a challenge and not as a threat?